Ah, the cruelty of the human condition! Yes, we may have withstood wars and plagues and executive shoulder pads, but our millions of years of evolution haven't prepared us for the unparalleled and abject horror of prank greeting cards.
How can we--masses of floppy skin that we are--contend with such radical objects of torment? We are but men!
(And women.)
(And also some animals.)
(And there's a little bit of gray area.)
We are simply unequipped.
Let us delve into the mysteries of the mind with a play-by-play of the most common reaction to the Joker Greeting Card: the inappropriate gut response. In this scenario, our beloved gift recipient and unassuming victim has just received our Merry Christmas card. Below you may witness the devolution of the thought process in slow motion:
*victim opens envelope*
I hope there's a Starbucks gift card inside.
*opens card*
Crap. No gift card. I'll just press this button.
*song begins to play*
Cute.
*song continues playing*
That seems a bit....long....I'll just let it play out. Can't go on forever.
*card continues, panic begins to rise*
How do I shut it off? Maybe there's a switch....
*music continues*
I'll just press the button again....No! It can't be! It just gets louder!
*the music, now louder continues*
Can't....think....must....
*victim panic, stuffs the card into the refrigerator, and falls against the door, using his body as a shield against the still-playing card*
The refrigerator response is the most common reaction we observe among victims trying to shut off their Joker Greeting Card. Of course, we must admit that any reaction is perfectly reasonable when dealing with the shock of unwanted, forceful, digitized music, but the refrigerator response may not be the best option.
After all: cold environments extend battery life. Your victim is simply prolonging the agony and, by extension, further indulging our devilish glee. Huzzah! Carry on, you naughty things!
Joker Greeting - The best prank musical greeting cards
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