12 Memorable Times Putin Said “You’re Welcome” with a Congratulations Card

1. For all those times the Ukrainians got to encounter his disciplined and supremely sexy army on horseback pretending to be Dothraki. 
2. After exposing his magnificent chest near the village of Arkhangelsk and causing the immediate pregnancy of no fewer than 16 women between the ages of 17-89.
3. Successfully reversing global warming for all Russian citizens.
4. For the invention of Dolphins with lasers. 
5. To his mother, for gracing her womb with his presence for 9 whole months. 
6. For removing President Obama from office in only eight years. While simultaneously boosting Donald Trump with winks and finger points. 
7. For setting the standard of excellence in erect male nipples. Google it. 
8. For reminding all males that being any taller than 5’7” is unnecessary and wasteful. 
9. For scoring that one hockey goal against Russia's best (paid-off or threatened) goalie. 
10. Successfully evicting a savage band of lizard people from underneath the Kremlin just in time for Christmas. 
11. For taking Steven Seagal away from us and making him an honorary russian. 
12. For the steely blue gaze that causes men to question their sexual orientation and women to wonder why they’re with their husbands.

thanks, 

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